I’ve been ‘that’ Mum twice this month.
Firstly I was ‘that’ Mum who didn’t rush her child to the ED when he had, what appeared to be, a minor fall and hit his head. There was a graze nothing more. I was ‘that’ Mum who got the disapproving look when I took him for scans a couple of days later, worried about his bruising and swelling…
They found he had two minor skulls fractures… minor or not, skull fractures were the only two words you just read. Am I right?!
What kind of mother am I to not get her child checked for possible skull fractures?! Hindsight is a bitch.
I was ‘that’ Mum again a couple of days ago when the school called to let me know my other child had fallen on his wrist. It “didn’t look right”, the school nurse told me. “He was pale.” She continued and “He could, perhaps, do with an x-ray.”
So, I took him straight to the ED for X-rays. Yep. I was ‘that’ Mum the doctor implied. The one who’s first thought is to rush her child to the Emergency Department. No, you judgemental fuckface. I brought him up because the last injury one of my children had was a skull fracture, and I didn’t bring him up because I didn’t want to be ‘that’ Mum!
But what I actually said was, “Let me stop you right there, Doc. My other son fractured his skull a few weeks ago, and I DIDN’T BRING him up! In fact, I didn’t get him seen until three days later so excuse me if I’m ‘that’ Mum in the ED today coz three weeks ago I was ‘that’ Mum who didn’t!”
I could bet my life if Dad had of taken him to ED, he would have been given all the accolades of a loving parent. “What a caring father.” “How sweet to bring him up to get checked.” Daddy darling dearest.
Meanwhile, I am questioned continuously and then doubting myself. Am I going to be ‘that’ Mum who doesn’t take her child’s health and safety seriously or ‘that’ Mum who is an over-the-top worry wart?!
There just feels like there is no middle ground for us sometimes, and these are not isolated incidents. As a mother of many boys, I have had the experience of as many ED trips with broken bones as I have had ‘just a sprain.’ I have had medical professionals give me looks where they feel I am wasting their time, that I’m overreacting or, their first judgement is that there isn’t anything wrong. On more than one occasion, there has been something seriously wrong.
Which points me to the fact that I would rather get ‘the look’ or feeling than to miss something that’s serious and has severe and life-changing consequences! I know how to use my common sense. I won’t rush up there for a scratch or bruise but if, at any time, I feel my mothers gut instinct kick in and know deep inside my belly that something is not quite right I will. We don’t have to justify ourselves.
| London Dene |