In Buddhism, dharma essentially means following the teachings of the Buddha by acting in your own “right way” and doing what is true to yourself.Yogapedia
2021 is deliberately aligning me to be more focused on, well, me and my Dharma. The Universe is bringing attention to the rest of my life because I am infinitely aware how close the end of life could be. Dramatic? Yes, but also true.
So I am trying to find my dharma. What lights me up without the whole will-it-pay-for-my-clothes-shopping-addiction-and-all-that-reality-crap-of-having-to-feed-clothe-and-educate-my-kids dilemma.
Part of the way to find out what your dharma is, is to ask the question “What is my Dharma?” and then write. No editing or reading back – just keep writing. Write whatever lands on the paper… Initially it’ll all be the head talking, logistics, how, when, how much but then it will kick over to what your heart desires. Just keep writing for 5 minutes which, since I have become a typist instead of a hand writer, is a fucking long time. I was totally cramping by the end of it!
This is what I wrote… unedited … well, ok, slightly because I have perfection issues around spelling, grammar and non-sensical shit – although I am always finding new mistakes well after I’ve hit publish. It is unfiltered – yep I don’t care if I sound shallow or a dreamer and it is possible that it might not make any sense to you, as my readers, but to my brain, my heart, my centre it does, eventually, and that counts.
“What is my dharma? What nourishes my soul. What do I love to do besides nothing? Besides sitting on my arse. What LIGHTS me up and gets me excited? What the fuck is my destiny?!
Well, I love to write. I love to press publish on my blog. I feel full once I’ve posted and I just want to do it again and again. I feel a whole-body release – like what I would think a male orgasm is like but without the wet patch.
When I don’t write on a regular basis, I feel blocked, stuck, uneasy. I feel anxious, wired, stressed. It’s like my insides are bubbling and I can’t breathe. Writing is my freedom and my cup filler all at the same time. It is imagination, exaggeration, try-hard-comical yet so real and raw for me too. It strips back the facade of me to expose my core and lets me giggle at life when otherwise I want to curl in the foetal position and cry.
I want my words to capture, inspire and make people feel like they are heard, understood and no different to the rest of the frustrated wives, stressed out mums and imposter-feeling career women. I want them to nod and say “YES! This woman gets me! I’m not alone. I am doing ok. I’ve got this!” I want them to laugh at the things we can’t seem to laugh about at the time. I want to explore it all.
I want to write at home, in a café, on the beach, in the back seat of my car. I want it to be my income. My livelihood. I want this to be my full income that is tangible and wealthy and leads me to financial freedom so I can design and build my dream home with all the fruit. Build a library. A studio. A space I can dive deeper into my inner stories both non-fiction and fiction. I want the essence of me to be flowing naturally onto the paper, the screen – word by word. Post by post. Page by page. Novel by novel.
I am a writer. A dreamer. A creator. A word stylist. A curator of word collaboration.
I want to freely write every day and feel that internal power of the publish button. I want to release my bubbles, so they don’t get stuck and just allow the words flow as easily as I breathe. It’s like meditation for me.
I am a writer. That is my Dharma. This is what I am here to do. This is where I am living my dream – better yet living my destiny, my path, my way. I don’t need to worry about how, what, when or why. I just simply must do and see where it takes me.”
What’s your Dharma?