Comparison and Anxiety walk hand in hand throughout my head and chest cavity – who says you can’t be in two places at once – coz these guys sure are.
They sit like little spectators to my life and then jump into action whenever it suits them best and usually when I’m-Doing-Ok is unfocused. They often party with Imposter-Syndrome while You’re-Not-Worthy sits in the shadows consistently whispering its name… You’re-Not-Worthy, You’re-Not-Worthy, You’re-Not-Worthy…
I’m-Doing-Ok struggles with I’m-Doing-Better-Than-Ok on the regular, and they can never seem to get on even though they are closely related.
Anxiety gets a buzz from Comparison, which makes her radiate like a nuclear bomb. While Comparison loves the fireworks, she generates all by herself. Deep-Breathe really struggles to be heard over the chaos these two create. On the odd occasion that she wins, they still throw a silent disco party in the background ready to rip the silence apart with their explosive personalities at any given moment.
It’s hell—most of the time. The constant chattering between the 7 of them and they can often invite mates around to hang too—so many.
It is a neverending story.
Not even as an adult who should ‘know better’ and I do, but they don’t stop it.
Some-Days-Are-Better-Than-Others and Keep-Moving-Forward are usually around to get you going – somedays you have to have a harder look than on other days. But, nevertheless, they encourage you to dust yourself off, smile and hear the words of Deep-Breathe – “Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”
And so we continue on. Breathing. Deep into the chest cavity where Anxiety buzzes away. Deep breathing chloroform to her and her mates – just for a day, or sometimes, just for a moment.
And that’s ok.
We should live one moment at a time.
We’ve got this.